Other Mothers: Nina Kaiser, Psychologist and Founder of Family Mental Health and Wellness Center Practice San Francisco.
Interview #1 is with me, let's do this thing!
For those of you who are new here, welcome! Other Mothers is a newsletter that offers parenting-related news, resources, and information— plus interviews with other moms out there juggling parenthood and ambition in order to give you a glimpse behind the curtain about how they make it all work. I’m kicking things off today with my own interview for all subscribers; we will be rolling out new interviews with other amazing mothers starting next week!
I’m a licensed psychologist (CA 22555) and founder of Practice San Francisco, a multi-location mental health and wellness center for kids, teens, and parents in the San Francisco Bay Area. It’s called Practice because we know that mental health is based on skills we can all learn and practice– and also because I knew nothing about web SEO when I started it, haha.
I live just across the Golden Gate Bridge from the city, in a small town in Marin County called Mill Valley, with my husband and two kids– two boys, ages five and eight. We have zero pets– I’m a longtime cat lover, but I will not lie, as a mom I found that kids and cats just equaled too many bodily functions that I was responsible for dealing with– so when our cats eventually passed away, we evolved into a no pet family. (My boys are campaigning for a dog, and I have agreed to consider it after everyone else in the family is able to reliably wipe their own butts and consistently get their pee completely into the toilet.)
I always knew I wanted to work with kids in some capacity– when I was younger, I thought I wanted to be a foreign language teacher (I used to speak French, German, and Italian!). Then I thought about becoming a pediatrician. And then I interned at a low income daycare center one summer during college– eighteen of the 22 kids in the class had been diagnosed with ADHD, and it was pure chaos– and I absolutely loved it. I majored in psychology, and went straight on to grad school to work with a mentor who specialized in childhood ADHD. When I finished grad school, I matched to the University of California, San Francisco for my clinical internship and then stayed on at UCSF for post-doc.
I found research about mental health treatments really fascinating— how do we make treatments most effective, how do we translate interventions that are effective under controlled conditions in the lab into community settings that are far more variable and far less predictable, and so on. I thought I wanted to go into academia and become a professor– but as I interviewed for academic faculty positions across the country, I realized that I really wanted to stay in San Francisco. And simultaneously, I wasn’t seeing a lot of female faculty modeling the kind of life I wanted to live. My grad school advisor would set her coffee pot for 3am on Monday mornings to make up for the time she spent with her kids over the weekend. And a few of the female faculty at UCSF ran a panel for the trainees on work-life balance, and they said things like, “I know I have balance because I can take my laptop to the pool and write research papers while my kids swim” or “I know it’s all worth it when I call my kids from the office to say goodnight and I hear their little voices over the phone.” I didn’t have kids or even a partner at that time– but I knew that was not the kind of life I wanted to live.
I moved into a staff psychologist role at UCSF, then ultimately chose to transition little by little into private practice. I really did not intend to launch a team or scale a business, but the demand for mental health support for kids and teens in the community was absolutely overwhelming. I was getting more calls than I could even return, let alone serve. Plus, I started to realize that the skills we teach in therapy are actually fundamental life skills that we all can benefit from learning and practicing– awareness of our emotions, our thoughts, and our physiological reactions, and the ability to shift our thoughts and our physical reactions in order to shift how we feel (and empower ourselves to respond skillfully and intentionally instead of reacting automatically). I launched our Mighty Minds program in 2014 in order to teach these skills to elementary school-aged kids, with the idea that proactively arming kids with these foundational mental health skills could buffer them against future mental health challenges. The Mighty Minds program grew really quickly as word spread in our community, to the point where the office space I had at the time simply was not big enough to hold all the kids whose families wanted them to participate.
Mighty Minds in action!
I took a four month maternity leave in 2016, when my older son was born, and then after returning to the office, I was pumping and half-heartedly cruising Craigslist when I stumbled across a listing for a back courtyard commercial space in my neighborhood that was below market rate– and I decided pretty spontaneously to take the leap and take on that space as a way to continue to grow the Mighty Minds program. And after I had the additional space, I started to think about what else I could do to fill it. I began to scale our clinical team in order to be able to serve more clients, and I also started building out mental health education programs and perinatal supports– because all along, I’ve wanted to figure out how we can best reach and support kids and families at the earliest possible points in their mental health journeys. My pregnancy with my oldest son made me realize that pregnancy and postpartum is a time where you’re so tuned into what’s happening in your body and your mind, and so open to new connections and community– so working with expecting and new moms really seemed like a perfect way to build out and expand on the work our growing team was doing with older kids and their families in a way that was in alignment with our core mission around mental health prevention and early intervention.
Our team at Practice has continued to grow and evolve ever since. I had my second son in 2019, and that was really hard given where things stood with the business– I had four months of maternity leave with my first son before I started Practice, but only felt able to take a few weeks with my second– and I was absolutely still on email and crisis-managing during that time. My second son actually wound up spending a lot of time with me at work before he transitioned to daycare when he was four months old— I took him to the mom and baby yoga classes we used to run, he joined me for staff meetings and supervision, and generally hung out on site (luckily, he was an incredibly mellow baby, or this would not have worked out as well as it did!).
Hi, second child. Three weeks old and at work with mom.
My career has changed a ton since that time– but honestly, those changes have had less to do with my kids than with the way our team has grown (we’re now a team of twenty!). As our staff has expanded, for the most part I have stepped back from direct clinical work. I still have a few clients I see personally and I run a monthly support group for moms, but most of my time is spent managing our leadership team, providing consultation for our supervisors, managing our corporate partnerships, and doing business planning and development— plus dealing with all the unexpected day-to-day crises (everything from risk management conversations with our malpractice insurance to fixing a broken bathroom lock or managing a roof leak!). There’s some freedom in that– I’m no longer as tied to the office during after school hours, so I have more flexibility there, and I’m better able to take time off without a direct impact to my income– but when I started all of this, I figured I would have more time to spend with my kids and make more money than I did as a solo practitioner, and neither one of those things has actually turned out to be true (or at least it’s still a work in progress!).
But I really enjoy what I do, and am so proud of the impact that our team is having on our community and the greater world. When I was doing more direct work with clients, my favorite thing about it was watching kids and families grow, change, and thrive over time. Now, I get to watch and support our clinicians as they grow and thrive– and I get to see the growing impact our team has on our community. I also really love the process of innovating around new programs and services that our team can offer; it’s so fun to get creative about new ways we can achieve that mission of reaching families at earlier and earlier points in their mental health journeys. And I also love that I get to model for my kids what it looks like to have a job and career that you really feel passionate about— even as it’s also often so challenging to hold and sit with it all.
On navigating ambition around work along with parenthood
As I’m juggling work and parenthood, I have found it difficult to acknowledge and tolerate the fact that there are limits to my capacity that weren’t there pre-kids– and to navigate the competing pulls of time with my kids (which I love) and doing this work (which I also love). It’s just not possible to show up for my kids as the mom I want to be AND do all the things I want to do at work (which is part of why it has literally taken me two years to think about and launch this Substack!).
I have ongoing FOMO– I find it can be really hard to be fully present with my kids if I have work I’m excited about and want to get traction on– and hard to be fully present for work if I’m thinking about or worrying about my kids. This has gotten a bit easier as my boys have gotten older, but it’s still an ongoing challenge— I really want to be able to do all the things and it is simply not possible.
I try to pick and choose so that I’m spending most of my time on the things that matter most, both at home and at work. I really love the idea of a “beautiful no”, which is a no that makes room for you to say yes to the things that are really meaningful or energizing or move the needle. But I definitely also find myself getting sucked into saying yes to other things— when I notice that’s happened, I try to pay attention and learn from those experiences so that I’m less likely to do it to myself again in the future.
On daily routines and supports
My work team is amazing. Over the last eighteen months, I’ve built out a leadership team whom I really rely on for input and support— that’s been game-changing (although I am a Type A person who is still practicing letting go!). My team as a whole is a really tight-knit and supportive community. I love the way that our staff show up for and support one another, and am so proud of the community and work environment we’ve co-created.
Personally, my husband is very supportive, and I have a handful of very close and supportive friends, although I’d love to expand this network. I also have a number of close business connections who are huge supports– and I’ve really tried to intentionally resource myself over the last few years by joining communities that offer the opportunity to build relationships with other women business owners and entrepreneurs.
Neither my family nor my husband’s family are local– we’re both Midwesterners by origin– and we’re both extremely envious of families who have local extended family who can offer back-up care and other support. My kids are in school from 8 to 2:30, then attend an after-care program that’s open until 6– although I usually try to pick them up around 5. My husband and I have been tag-teaming afternoon educational therapy for our older son and sports practices and events for both kids, and this does not feel sustainable long-term— we’re honestly pretty under-resourced in terms of childcare.
Right now, my husband manages kid drop-off on Mondays and Wednesdays, and I go into the office between 7 and 8; I usually work until 2:30 or 2:45 on those days, then on Mondays, I take my son to tutoring and on Wednesdays, I have a recurring weekly pilates session. I manage Tuesday/Thursday morning drop-offs while my husband bikes into the office– on those days, I work from home. I try to crank out a short Peloton workout after dropping the boys at school, take a quick shower, and usually start my workday at 9:30 or 10, then work until I pick up the kids at 5 or 5:30. And Fridays are kind of a free for all– we trade off kid drop-off and pick-up depending on work schedules, and then I’m usually in the office working from 8:30ish until 4:30 or 5ish.
On delegating, outsourcing, and letting things go
We have a housekeeper who comes to clean once a week– I feel extremely lucky to have this, because I am absolutely terrible at cleaning. I just don’t notice it, I hate it, and I am literally not good at it. This was absolutely the number one source of conflict in my marriage before we hired Rosi, and she is worth every single penny.
Pre-kids, I loved to cook– but one of my kids is a really picky eater, and my husband and my other kid are voracious eaters who are willing to eat anything and could care less what I’ve made– so most of the time it just doesn’t seem worth it to spend a bunch of time cooking when I’m the only one who cares about the outcome, especially if I’m stressed or tired. We lean on a lot of basic meat + vegetable combos. And– if I’m being honest– also a lot of hot dogs and chicken nuggets.
Over the past couple years, I have really neglected both exercise and time with friends. Honestly, managing two kids plus a wildly growing business has been incredibly demanding– plus, I like spending time at home with my family and I’m also someone who needs a fair amount of solo or quiet time to recharge. But I’m trying to make a point of being more consistent with exercise and around time socializing this year, because both these things are obviously so important.
On prioritizing, setting limits, and task management
I feel most on top of things when I’m operating off clear to-do lists, although I have to admit that within the last year, my tasks to manage have absolutely exceeded my task management system. I am a die-hard legal pad and post-it note junkie, and I’m experimenting with Asana. I try to identify 3 to 5 things that absolutely have to be done each day– those are my post-it note things, and if I finish them, then that day is a success. If I finish more than those things, even better– but the list of things to do is endless, so I find it’s really helpful to give it some structure and set daily manageable goals. And I’ve also just had to get comfortable with leaving some things undone and knowing that I simply can’t do it all. I went to a conference a number of years ago where one of the presenters offered this reframe: having an endless to-do list is actually lucky, in that it means that we’re never going to be extraneous and never going to be bored. I like that, although I have to admit that I can’t always embrace that attitude.
I really try to hold hard boundaries around my time with my family. I log off work email when I leave the office, and I don’t work nights or weekends except under really extraordinary circumstances. Those are my times to be really present with my family or decompress.
On stress management and exercise
To be honest, this is a moving target for me. I completely stressed myself out managing small kids at home and trying to sustain our team at work during the pandemic (a story I won’t get into here!) and I feel like I am still in recovery mode however many years this is later. Plus, my experience generally of running a business is that it is a total rollercoaster. There are these moments that are wonderful, you feel on top of the world, you’re doing something really meaningful, everything is going smoothly. And then there are other moments where you really question what you’re doing and why you ever thought this felt like a good idea, people are unhappy, there’s some kind of problem or crisis and it’s completely (or mostly!) on you to solve it. There are more nights than I’d like to admit that I find myself wide awake at 3am, worrying about something work related.
I try to get outside every day– that absolutely helps. Moving my body helps. I used to be a runner, and did a number of marathons and half-marathons when I was younger, but I was diagnosed with early onset osteoarthritis a few years ago and really have had to work hard to find new ways to exercise. I also had postpartum pre-eclampsia after my second son’s birth in 2019 that has resulted in ongoing challenges with high blood pressure, totally exacerbated by work stress— so finding time to exercise is really important. We got a Peloton bike in November, and I’ve been consistently getting on that three or four times a week and absolutely notice an impact on my stress levels and mood, which has been motivation to keep it up.
I also try to really intentionally cultivate supportive relationships– I have a couple of close friends with whom I have daily message threads that span across text and Instagram. And I’ve been making a point to join communities of other women business owners and founders, both within my industry and across industries. I’ve found those relationships– and the knowledge that whatever I’m coping with, other people also have coped with or are coping with too!-- to be so helpful in managing the stress linked to tough moments at work.
Finally, I’m an avid reader, and love to read in my spare time as another way to distract myself and decompress. When my older son was born, I switched from reading hard copy books to mostly reading on the Kindle app on my phone. I’m sure this is terrible for my eyes (and probably also my sleep) but I love the convenience factor and the fact that I always have the book I’m reading with me.
On mindset, course-correction, and the freedom to be imperfect
I just find it so helpful to remember that none of us are perfect, and none of us are alone. I’m one of many other mothers out there trying to show up both for my kids and for the work I’m passionate about. None of us are ever going to get it all right– which is maybe a little depressing, but it’s also really liberating. One of my grad school mentors used to say, “Good news! Parenting isn’t brain surgery!” She didn’t mean that parenting isn’t hard— because of course, obviously, it is— but she meant that there are very few parenting actions or decisions that can’t be reversed, repaired, or course-corrected. We always have the opportunity to reflect on how things are going and choose to do things differently as we move forward. That’s really powerful– and allowing ourselves to be okay operating in this perfectly human, imperfect way also allows us to send a really powerful message to our kids around approaching life with a growth mindset and a sense of self-compassion.
Thank you for being here— please share your thoughts or call out anything that resonated for you in the comments below!
Coming on Friday: a round-up of parenting-related links from the past week. (Stay tuned, there are some really good ones!!)
Coming next week: interview with Michelle Snyder, stylist and founder of Barrow Salon. Michelle is amazing and is sharing a lot of great, down-to-earth words of wisdom— don’t miss it!
Thanks to all of you for your support.
Let’s face it: we all need Other Mothers. ❤️